Jenny and Emma Tag Team California!

One minute, a facetious "Wanna go to Bay to Breakers?", and next thing you know, we've got bananas in California!
 
We started off on Friday night at Mas Sake in the marina for sushi with jalapenos and sake bombs to wash them down before heading back to Todd's to crash and adjust to the time zone. On the way up his ginormous hill, we also saw an elderly woman with no pants, which was definitely foreshadowing of the day to come.

I was up at the crack of California dawn (9am eastern). We headed down to San Mateo to see Gil and Anjanette's new house, check out some supposedly super BK Whoppers, and head to an NCA Reunion BBQ at MJs. Stuffed, we headed back to finish up our costumes. Jenny's friend Jassen came over to hang out for a while, and then it was time to sleep, since we had to be up at a very very ridiculously early 8am eastern time. (5am!!)

 
We woke up and made our way to Brian's bright and early. Runners and drinkers could be seen all over. The first men in bikinis passed by, and CT was soon down to the same. Highlights of the daily view: Sesame street including a life size snuffaluffagus, evangelicals skipping church and holding warning signs, naked old men, flying tortillas, salmon going the wrong way, public urination, our globe on the electric cables, bananas and monkeys fighting, dancing Elvi on a roof, and did I mention naked old men?

The weather was gorgeous and the trip went by so fast. It was great seeing everyone, even for such a short time. I hope to do this every year! :)

Check out more pics HERE.

Gotta Love the UC

There are many things to love about Union City... the cheap large apartment... cheap food... the cheap large apartment... OK so those things weigh pretty heavily on quality of life from the perspective of my wallet. So it's always a pleasure to experience the culture too.

This morning I was walking speedily to the bus stop, when a guy walking towards me in the opposite direction shouts "Mamasita, Senorita!" just as we pass, and, since I'm carrying around 12 bags like I normally do, I figured I dropped something, so I turned. Little am I prepared to be asked out by a greasy hobo who doesn't speak much English. He even promised to be a great lover as he reached for my hand. ew.

Now, it's not that this kind of thing hasn't happened in the city (and trust me, this is NO ego speaking) and with much nastier people, but there is a certain additional ookie-ness to being asked out in a foreign language by a really ugly individual. Who do these nasty people think they are anyway? Yech.

Tory and Emma Do Austin

 
Undeterred (ok, maybe slightly deterred) by my cancelled flight on Friday night, I caught my 6am flight to Austin as bright-eyed and bushy tailed as can possibly be at that hour. Arriving in Dallas to change planes, I was welcomed back to Texas by the sound of someone vomiting in the woman's bathroom. Ahh... good ol' Texas.

Enjoying my very first rental car not requiring an extra fee (I forgot to take a picture of it, but it was a Chevy Malibu FREE upgrade), I made my way over to Tory's FABULOUS apartment with her FABULOUS cat, Gizmo. We set off for David's Bridal to take care of bidniz, and re-discovered the magic of Texas highways - we thought we missed the exit we needed, only to find out the one 10 feet after went to the exact same place.

After taking care of business, we checked out the TX wine rack and picked up some Shiner beer for The Salt Lick, where we met up with several of Tory's UT Austin pals for some of the tastiest TX BBQ ever. Family style ribs, brisket, sausage, beans, potato salad, pickles, jalapenos, and beer and tastiness. Simply marvelous!

In the evening, we made our way over to the Broken Spoke to catch the scene over some Lone Stars, and headed out on 4th Street. First stop: the gay bar! After admiring some cute gay boys over some TX liquor - Tito and red bull, and some concoction with TX liquor the bartender made up (did I mention we limited ourselves entirely to Texas-made alcohol for the weekend? Glorious!)

We ran up to 6th street to meet up with some folks, and not finding the surroundings pleasant, we headed next door for some catch up time, admiring the dancing girls on the bar (including one with a cross-shaped slut stamp... isn't it ironic?) We scored some super-tasty late night tacos at Taco Cabana and headed home to crash.

Sunday we woke up surprisingly early intending to walk downtown for coffee & breakfast. (and to burn off the beer and tacos and bbq from Saturday) We came across a parking lot fair with free popcorn and spam samples (not combined) and checked out some funny hats, and also an art exhibit with bright yellow surgical tubing hanging from a 15 foot rectangular trellis. After a pleasant walk down Congress, we had these wonderfully tasty breakfast paninis and coffee at Halcyon on 4th street.

So sadly, by the time we walked back, it was time for me to head back to the airport to make the trek back north. Tory and Emma next take on Miami in July and UT FOOTBALL (and Matthew McConaughey) sometime this fall. STAY TUNED!! :)

Happy Valentine's Day

In honor of this great hallmark holiday, a quote from our wonderful president:

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many ob-gyns aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."

Basque in the genius.

Propaganda 101

In a huge publicity stunt aimed at "proving" sexuality preference is a "conscious choice", evangelist Ted Haggard underwent three weeks of therapy and is now declared "not gay". While it's true that tastes change (after all, who thought I would ever willingly eat peas or asparagus at age 4), most do not (I still do not like brussels sprouts). And while many more people prefer carrots to peas, some do prefer both. Can you train yourself to like peas if you don't? Probably not. You can flavor them differently, or hide them inside a carrot or a roll. You might appreciate them more if the only thing you have to eat is peas. My guess here is that Teddy boy thought he might like some peas, after all, like my dad used to say, "don't knock it 'til you try it". Whether or not he'd like to make a habit of eating peas is another story. People who have once liked peas claim it took them years to no longer crave them. There is no available information as to how they gave up peas. Hypnosis may have been involved. There might be medication for it. Or maybe Pavlov gave them a treat every time they craved carrots and ignored peas. Or maybe Pavlov replaced peas with himself. That selfish Pavlov.

I firmly believe this is a stunt aimed at reinforcing the Christian belief that homosexuality is controllable. Next trick - how to turn those unsightly people of other races white. (Christians making a positive example of Michael Jackson - now there's an idea!)

Gay Evangelist Turns Straight

S.A.T.C. Moment

After being out and about with a group of fun work people last Friday (2/2), I went out to Hoboken to meet up with my fiance at Three A's when I run into none other than Mr. Big. Not the Mr. Big from the tv show, but my life's closest equivalent. And I mean this in the sense that I used to follow him around when drunk for a little over a year just after college. Otherwise he bears no physical resemblance to the guy on TV, we don't maintain communication of any kind, he doesn't have a vineyard in California that I know of, he's grown a spare tire since I saw him last, and I don't, in any way, still find him attractive. The funny thing was, I swear I caught "the look". A couple times. You know the one - the eyes squint a little while mouth forms a smirk-smile. The expression that says "I could totally get you into bed", which is funny to see when, in fact, he totally could not. This same expression actually says "I'm sucking on a lemon while shoving something in my ass" when you don't reciprocate the... shall we say... sentiment... so guys, use this look carefully. And, no, my ego wasn't just imagining it, my fiance saw it too. It all just makes me thankful for my "Just say NO to scum" resolution new years 2004 that I actually kept, and thankful for my Matt. :)

What A Day!

Woke up at 7 to find very little water pressure in my shower. After scrambling to get clothes together to shower at the gym, and fuming at how we have yet another problem with our apartment, we walk outside to hear that schools are delayed because of the water issue. Whew, at least we don't have to call the landlord again.

Water Valve Break Prompts N.J. Evacuations

So, getting to work later than planned, I grab breakfast after the 9am meeting. Eating late, I figure I'll just grab food after the 1pm meeting. Well, I grab my food, and go to get in the elevator, and a guy walks out. The elevator is empty (except for me), and little did I know the guy had just farted!! It stunk all the way to the 12th floor. You totally shouldn't do that in enclosed public spaces (bathrooms excluded). I was only happy no one else got into the elevator in between - I would have been assumed the culprit.

Self Accountability, Part Troix

Here we go again, the government is trying to protect us from ourselves. And earn a few extra dollars. The latest plan is to fine New Yorkers $100 for listening to music, talking on a phone, looking at a blackberry, or thumb twiddling while crossing the street, because of three recent deaths related to dumbasses not looking before stepping into the road. Yes, dumbasses.

I'm sorry if they were your friends or relatives, but that doesn't excuse the fact that they leapt before looking. Even in a dominantly pedestrian city, it is customary to look before stepping into the road. Cars are still bigger than we are. They move faster, weigh more, are less fragile and more fixable. Even if we walkers do outnumber them. Let's not get into buses and trucks. Those Hess trucks you see here are full size, none of that kind that fit in your stocking.

And how do the cops know that just because you're wearing an ear bud or two that your device is turned on? I suppose they could check your cell phone log, but an ipod is easily turned off. And what will they do with one cop and 20 pedestrians, who all crossed the street using some kind of device? Now here's something worth giving up music for: the police stun the group with bright lights (thx Jenny :)) then shoot out a giant net to catch everyone in the act, because pretty much everyone who lives here isn't paying attention while walking those 10 blocks to/from the subway, train or bus. Hope you weren't the one oddball not using anything, or you've got a front row seat for this debacle.

I've seen more people almost get hit while chatting with a friend face to face than any other time. It's also possible to be in la-la land and mistake the road for a fluffy cloud. And what about the deaf, who wouldn't hear a truck horn blow either? Can the blind continue to cross the street? After all, they can't exactly look before crossing either.

Here's a thought - let's let idiots go the way of the dodo, because it's going to be the smart users of us all that end up paying extra for them, just the way our tax dollars pay for their cleanup now.

Banned: Gadgets and Street Crossing

Musical Phallacy

"A kiss is still a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh", and a guitar is only a phallus? I have to admit, the folks at the super bowl party I attended had the same notion, and I thought the same, but I, like many non-God-fearing Americans, have a dirty mind (to be fair, the God-fearing folks do too, they just refuse to admit it). I called everything "kinky" through high school. I have immediately seen the perverse translation to any joke, image, conversation, or reading material since college. I consider myself a mostly moral human - I don't "slut around" (I'm getting married in August) or condone "skankiness" in others, and I generally keep my cursing to a minimum. I would hardly (no pun intended) call Prince's halftime performance an "outrage".

Many things in this world can be seen in a perverse way. What about the first skyscrapers that pop up in cities - surrounded perhaps by two small buildings? Or a beer ad to the same effect - a single beer bottle, moist with condensation, next to two short glasses, a woman's well-manicured hand (bright red, shiny nails of course) wrapped gently around the neck of the bottle? How about a coke commercial with a pretty girl (or, *gasp*, guy) drinking from a coke bottle? Suggestive imagery is used everywhere, because the human eye is lured to such material. It's effective, people buy into it. It's proven and it works, and it's going to be around for the duration of human nature.

A rock star is sexy. Period. Give a guy, or girl, a guitar, put them on a stage, and people go crazy. Maybe it's the lure of the unattainable, or the "bad" image, or that musicians are stereotypically non-committal, or just plain mysterious. It's a stage presence that keeps us watching. So someone like Prince, with a guitar, on stage, is sexy. Throw up a curtain and a light and watch his shadow - still sexy. That image might make your mind leap to other things, but the image is still a guy with a guitar.

And for that matter, why doesn't anyone complain about the trombone? Very phallic. Or the french horn - players usually put a hand or fist into the horn while playing. What does that make you think of? The movie American Pie took care of the flute for us (she put it where and still played it after?), and also somewhere along the line got the prefix "skin-" added. What would a shadow of a guy playing a cello look like? Probably not nearly as impressive as a bassist. What about the bassoon? Clarinet? Saxophonists are clearly inspired. What are we doing teaching kids to play instruments anyway? Just think of the perversion! THIS MUST BE STOPPED!!

In short - Prince's performance was sexy in true rock star fashion, but only to a PG rating at worst. Young kids would not get that imagery, and if they did, why are you letting them watch a bunch of muscle-bound guys hurt each other and then pat each other on the ass?

Prince's Halftime Exhibition

Fat, Lazy Americans

What kind of world do we live in that makes people think they can get fat and then find a silver bullet to make them thin again? Some have to work harder to lose weight than others, but when it comes down to it, experts agree that losing weight is a combination of increased exercise and moderation of calorie and fat intake. Some people help themselves consume less calories with appetite suppressors, or take supplements that help increase metabolism (which usually increases anyway once you exercise regularly and follow a diet). Anyone who would believe a claim that Anna Nicole did not use a personal trainer and a dietician to lose her weight should pull their head out of the small dark place they store it in.

People of the US are going to be allowed to get progressively stupider if law suits like these keep earning people money.

Anna Nicole Smith & TrimSpa Sued

Props to AirTran!

Congratulations to AirTran Airways for removing a 3-year-old who was having a tantrum and her parents on a flight departing from Miami to Boston. The child apparently was crawling under the seat and hitting her parents, and would not sit down in her seat for takeoff, a requirement of all children over age two. The child delayed the flight 15 minutes before the airline asked the family to leave the plane. In return, they were booked on a flight home the following day, refunded the cost of the three tickets, and offered a free voucher anywhere in the US.

This is obviously annoying for the parents, who insist they will never fly AirTran again, but it is a well deserved occurrence considering they could not control their child. Thanks to the airline, the other 112 passengers on the flight did not have to put up with a pesky brat screaming and hitting people for the three hour flight, and were not subject to a continued delay by parents who could not get their child to sit for a mere 20 minutes while the plane took off.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070123/ap_on_re_us/flight_tantrum

How To Be Less Approachable

Something about me invites random people to start conversations. Someone, please tell me what it is so that I can NOT do it anymore, at least when it's convenient.

Yesterday on my way to work, I turned the corner at 49th & 8th, and a guy in a bright yellow jacket starts talking to me about how cold it is. He's walking in the same direction. I walk faster, to no avail. It's cold and I don't feel like walking an extra block out of my way. He introduces himself as . I say "nice to meet you, I'm going this way" and cross the street, hoping he doesn't know I work in that building.

Who says New Yorkers aren't friendly? And why are people who talk to random people on the street NEVER cute? I have friends I can hook up!

I Miss Having A Super!

Anyone I've talked to in the past few days knows the saga, because it's been all I've talked about. What does it take to get a simple faucet drip fixed? We live in a building without a super that is privately owned. We've had a light switch broken since about a month after moving in, but it's in the guest bedroom so we haven't worried much about getting it fixed. More recently, my shower faucet developed a worsening leak. I went to the web site my landlord recommended last Wednesday, booked a plumber, and emailed him the quote, only to find out that he has a contractor working in the empty downstairs apartment he wants us to use.

So I call the contractor, cancel the plumber, and find out that we're unable to be home within the week to let in the contractor to do his thing. So I get a call from my landlord on Saturday, where he tells me that this puts him in an "awkward spot" since we weren't able to run home on short notice to let this guy in.

Yesterday, I get a call from the plumber I originally made an appointment with, saying my landlord called him to call me for an appointment. So I schedule him for next Tuesday, and one of us will need to be home to let him in.

Then another email from my landlord this morning, saying he booked his contractor to fix the light and the faucet, which prompts the question, who should be fixing my shower?

I don't want to let the plumber fix it if my landlord is going to claim he didn't approve it and not reimburse the expense, and I don't want to cancel on the plumber again if this contractor won't return my call (2 voicemails for him since Sunday, and no response from him yet).

$#@! What would you do?

Gym Freaks

Weird incident #1:

Last Friday 1/5 I checked out a new class called "Boot Camp" at the gym. Anyone who has worked out with me knows that I have a preference towards intense workouts, mainly attributed to my gymnastics background. It was a good class, and afterwards I proceed to the locker room to shower off.

When I get back to my locker, precariously wrapped only in a skimpy gym towel because I am not SO brazen as to strut nude, a girl is standing in front of my locker, pinching her "flab" (you know when thin people slouch and then pinch their belly and say it's fat) and looking in the mirror, so I say excuse me and proceed to open my locker and start getting dressed. Little do I know, she's still standing behind me wanting to get into her locker, which was right below mine. First of all, she had not a drop of sweat on her body, and was wearing workout clothes, so I assumed she was on her way in, but apparently she was ready to change and head home. No wonder she's "flabby". Anyway, after she got her stuff (which was neatly tucked into a bag and easy to move, whereas mine was strewn in a little pile) she moved over to the next bench and gave me dirty looks while I finished getting ready.

Weird incident #2:

Last night, I bend over to tie my shoe to go home, and a girl comes by to grab her stuff out of a locker above mine. She leaves the locker door open and walks away, and I stand up and of course smack my head on the corner of the door. Who the $#@! leaves a door open when someone is right under it? Now I have a lump on my head, thankfully under my hair where you can't see it. $#@!

Blame New Jersey! (to the tune of "Blame Canada" from South Park")

NY smelled funny yesterday due to a possible odor emission from Secaucus, NJ. This time the experts are saying it, too!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070109/ap_on_re_us/nyc_gas_odor

2006 In Review

Dave Barry is the man.

Dave Barry's Year In Review

A Scary Time in the Neighborhood

What a horrific time it is to be a parent. A mother in Indianapolis took a nap, and her two year old son wandered downstairs, outside, and onto a highway. Now she is charged with four felony counts of neglect. Not knowing this woman, this could be a valid charge or a simple case of "accidents happen".

This is a scary age to be a parent. Forty years ago, if a child fell off a jungle gym and broke an arm, it was because the child slipped, was clumsy, or maybe wasn't quite strong enough. Twenty years ago, the owner or builder of the jungle gym (or both) was at fault and sued. Today, it's the fault of whomever is present, including a parent, who in every other manner may be the ideal caregiver. We're now teaching children at the youngest ages that their actions have no repercussions, that someone else can always be held accountable.

This being said, a two year old can hardly be expected to remember not to cross the street, but could be physically capable of unlocking a door, which is scary enough in itself.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/01/03/highway.toddler.ap/index.html

A Little Nostradamus In Us All

Pat Robertson has announced that God himself told him there would be another terrible terrorist attack in 2007. I wonder if he had maybe just fallen asleep during a viewing of The Sixth Sense and dreamt that "I see dead people" was actually said by God.

Given the fact that Saddam has just been hung, the current presidency is a known sham, and the Democrats have control in Congress, I'm guessing this is just another ploy to sway voters back to the Republican side. What's scary is that there are enough ignorant, careless people that actually respond to unfounded threats like this one, and I wonder how long it will be until everyone sees through this shameless scare tactic.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070103/ap_on_re_us/robertson_prediction_9