Happy Valentine's Day

In honor of this great hallmark holiday, a quote from our wonderful president:

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many ob-gyns aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."

Basque in the genius.

Propaganda 101

In a huge publicity stunt aimed at "proving" sexuality preference is a "conscious choice", evangelist Ted Haggard underwent three weeks of therapy and is now declared "not gay". While it's true that tastes change (after all, who thought I would ever willingly eat peas or asparagus at age 4), most do not (I still do not like brussels sprouts). And while many more people prefer carrots to peas, some do prefer both. Can you train yourself to like peas if you don't? Probably not. You can flavor them differently, or hide them inside a carrot or a roll. You might appreciate them more if the only thing you have to eat is peas. My guess here is that Teddy boy thought he might like some peas, after all, like my dad used to say, "don't knock it 'til you try it". Whether or not he'd like to make a habit of eating peas is another story. People who have once liked peas claim it took them years to no longer crave them. There is no available information as to how they gave up peas. Hypnosis may have been involved. There might be medication for it. Or maybe Pavlov gave them a treat every time they craved carrots and ignored peas. Or maybe Pavlov replaced peas with himself. That selfish Pavlov.

I firmly believe this is a stunt aimed at reinforcing the Christian belief that homosexuality is controllable. Next trick - how to turn those unsightly people of other races white. (Christians making a positive example of Michael Jackson - now there's an idea!)

Gay Evangelist Turns Straight

S.A.T.C. Moment

After being out and about with a group of fun work people last Friday (2/2), I went out to Hoboken to meet up with my fiance at Three A's when I run into none other than Mr. Big. Not the Mr. Big from the tv show, but my life's closest equivalent. And I mean this in the sense that I used to follow him around when drunk for a little over a year just after college. Otherwise he bears no physical resemblance to the guy on TV, we don't maintain communication of any kind, he doesn't have a vineyard in California that I know of, he's grown a spare tire since I saw him last, and I don't, in any way, still find him attractive. The funny thing was, I swear I caught "the look". A couple times. You know the one - the eyes squint a little while mouth forms a smirk-smile. The expression that says "I could totally get you into bed", which is funny to see when, in fact, he totally could not. This same expression actually says "I'm sucking on a lemon while shoving something in my ass" when you don't reciprocate the... shall we say... sentiment... so guys, use this look carefully. And, no, my ego wasn't just imagining it, my fiance saw it too. It all just makes me thankful for my "Just say NO to scum" resolution new years 2004 that I actually kept, and thankful for my Matt. :)

What A Day!

Woke up at 7 to find very little water pressure in my shower. After scrambling to get clothes together to shower at the gym, and fuming at how we have yet another problem with our apartment, we walk outside to hear that schools are delayed because of the water issue. Whew, at least we don't have to call the landlord again.

Water Valve Break Prompts N.J. Evacuations

So, getting to work later than planned, I grab breakfast after the 9am meeting. Eating late, I figure I'll just grab food after the 1pm meeting. Well, I grab my food, and go to get in the elevator, and a guy walks out. The elevator is empty (except for me), and little did I know the guy had just farted!! It stunk all the way to the 12th floor. You totally shouldn't do that in enclosed public spaces (bathrooms excluded). I was only happy no one else got into the elevator in between - I would have been assumed the culprit.

Self Accountability, Part Troix

Here we go again, the government is trying to protect us from ourselves. And earn a few extra dollars. The latest plan is to fine New Yorkers $100 for listening to music, talking on a phone, looking at a blackberry, or thumb twiddling while crossing the street, because of three recent deaths related to dumbasses not looking before stepping into the road. Yes, dumbasses.

I'm sorry if they were your friends or relatives, but that doesn't excuse the fact that they leapt before looking. Even in a dominantly pedestrian city, it is customary to look before stepping into the road. Cars are still bigger than we are. They move faster, weigh more, are less fragile and more fixable. Even if we walkers do outnumber them. Let's not get into buses and trucks. Those Hess trucks you see here are full size, none of that kind that fit in your stocking.

And how do the cops know that just because you're wearing an ear bud or two that your device is turned on? I suppose they could check your cell phone log, but an ipod is easily turned off. And what will they do with one cop and 20 pedestrians, who all crossed the street using some kind of device? Now here's something worth giving up music for: the police stun the group with bright lights (thx Jenny :)) then shoot out a giant net to catch everyone in the act, because pretty much everyone who lives here isn't paying attention while walking those 10 blocks to/from the subway, train or bus. Hope you weren't the one oddball not using anything, or you've got a front row seat for this debacle.

I've seen more people almost get hit while chatting with a friend face to face than any other time. It's also possible to be in la-la land and mistake the road for a fluffy cloud. And what about the deaf, who wouldn't hear a truck horn blow either? Can the blind continue to cross the street? After all, they can't exactly look before crossing either.

Here's a thought - let's let idiots go the way of the dodo, because it's going to be the smart users of us all that end up paying extra for them, just the way our tax dollars pay for their cleanup now.

Banned: Gadgets and Street Crossing

Musical Phallacy

"A kiss is still a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh", and a guitar is only a phallus? I have to admit, the folks at the super bowl party I attended had the same notion, and I thought the same, but I, like many non-God-fearing Americans, have a dirty mind (to be fair, the God-fearing folks do too, they just refuse to admit it). I called everything "kinky" through high school. I have immediately seen the perverse translation to any joke, image, conversation, or reading material since college. I consider myself a mostly moral human - I don't "slut around" (I'm getting married in August) or condone "skankiness" in others, and I generally keep my cursing to a minimum. I would hardly (no pun intended) call Prince's halftime performance an "outrage".

Many things in this world can be seen in a perverse way. What about the first skyscrapers that pop up in cities - surrounded perhaps by two small buildings? Or a beer ad to the same effect - a single beer bottle, moist with condensation, next to two short glasses, a woman's well-manicured hand (bright red, shiny nails of course) wrapped gently around the neck of the bottle? How about a coke commercial with a pretty girl (or, *gasp*, guy) drinking from a coke bottle? Suggestive imagery is used everywhere, because the human eye is lured to such material. It's effective, people buy into it. It's proven and it works, and it's going to be around for the duration of human nature.

A rock star is sexy. Period. Give a guy, or girl, a guitar, put them on a stage, and people go crazy. Maybe it's the lure of the unattainable, or the "bad" image, or that musicians are stereotypically non-committal, or just plain mysterious. It's a stage presence that keeps us watching. So someone like Prince, with a guitar, on stage, is sexy. Throw up a curtain and a light and watch his shadow - still sexy. That image might make your mind leap to other things, but the image is still a guy with a guitar.

And for that matter, why doesn't anyone complain about the trombone? Very phallic. Or the french horn - players usually put a hand or fist into the horn while playing. What does that make you think of? The movie American Pie took care of the flute for us (she put it where and still played it after?), and also somewhere along the line got the prefix "skin-" added. What would a shadow of a guy playing a cello look like? Probably not nearly as impressive as a bassist. What about the bassoon? Clarinet? Saxophonists are clearly inspired. What are we doing teaching kids to play instruments anyway? Just think of the perversion! THIS MUST BE STOPPED!!

In short - Prince's performance was sexy in true rock star fashion, but only to a PG rating at worst. Young kids would not get that imagery, and if they did, why are you letting them watch a bunch of muscle-bound guys hurt each other and then pat each other on the ass?

Prince's Halftime Exhibition

Fat, Lazy Americans

What kind of world do we live in that makes people think they can get fat and then find a silver bullet to make them thin again? Some have to work harder to lose weight than others, but when it comes down to it, experts agree that losing weight is a combination of increased exercise and moderation of calorie and fat intake. Some people help themselves consume less calories with appetite suppressors, or take supplements that help increase metabolism (which usually increases anyway once you exercise regularly and follow a diet). Anyone who would believe a claim that Anna Nicole did not use a personal trainer and a dietician to lose her weight should pull their head out of the small dark place they store it in.

People of the US are going to be allowed to get progressively stupider if law suits like these keep earning people money.

Anna Nicole Smith & TrimSpa Sued